I'm not a baby koala
by SageK
Summary: A Blam friendship fic, can be read as pre-slash Don't try to figure out where this fits into the shows time line. I started it, stopped and went back after several shows had aired, so it's pretty random.


Practice had just let out and the choir room emptied as Blaine tapped out a quick reply to a text from Cooper, who had taken to randomly checking in on him. Sam was fiddling with his guitar, waiting, as they had plans for big Friday night of Halo and Star Wars movies.

When he closed out the messaging app, he was surprised to see Brittany perched on the chair beside him, watching him quietly. "Oh, hey, Brittany. What's up?"

"Lord Tubbington's blood pressure. The feline Lipitor isn't helping. How did you know?"

Blaine wondered what it said about his life that he wasn't at all thrown by her misinterpretation of his question. "You mentioned it before," he said smoothly, standing and collecting his messenger bag. "Did you need a ride home?"

"No," she replied blithely. "Do you want to make out?"

Considering the things that came out of Brittany's mouth on a daily basis, the question shouldn't have been a shocking as it was. "What?"

"I asked if you wanted to make out with me," she said patiently, not picking up on his disbelief.

He blinked, then cast a look at Sam, pleading for rescue. "Um, no thanks…You know I like guys."

She nodded. "I like guys too. And girls. And I figured since neither of us are seeing anyone and Sam told me I shouldn't try to kiss the sophomores or freshman that we could kiss. I miss kissing. I'm a good kisser."

"Brittany," he replied, glaring at Sam, who was clearly trying not to laugh. Bastard. "I'm sure you're great, but I have no desire to kiss a girl."

It was her turn to blink. "Not ever? But…girls are soft and smell nice. Most boys don't. Kurt did and you're all clean and shiny…."

"Some folks only like boys, some only like girls and some like both," Sam said, finally wandering over with a little smile on his face.

Brittany took a moment to moment at over. "But why? What does it matter?"

"To you, it doesn't," Sam continued. "To some, it does. I mean, could you picture, say, Puck and Finn kissing for fun?"

Her nose scrunched up in distaste and Blaine had to agree with her there. "No, I don't like to imagine Finn kissing anyone. He's kinda like were sexy goes to die," she said quickly, then cocked her head to one side and gazed at Sam and Blaine speculatively. "I'd like to see you and Puck kiss. That would be hot. Oh, or Blaine and Puck. You're cute and tiny and he could carry you around like a baby koala."

Against his will, the mental image of Sam and Puck popped into Blaine's head and it was, as Brittany said, quite sexy.

Sam just laughed. "Puck's not really my type."

She pouted a little. "I would've watched. Sometimes he liked to watch me and Santana."

"I'm sure you two were gorgeous together. Totally hot," Sam murmured, as Brittany's expression had turned pensive and sad. Easily, he opened his arms and offered, "Hug?"

Without hesitation, she all but dove into Sam's arms, burrowing close. Blaine was about to step away, give them some space, when one of Sam's hands caught his arm and tugged him closer into a three-way embrace.

He was tense for a moment, then relaxed. Brittany and Sam were his friends, genuinely good people filled with love and he soaked in all the friendship they were offering.

Breathing in, he smiled. Brittany did smell nice, like vanilla and sugar. Not that Sam smelled bad, fabric softener and pine and boy…okay, maybe sniffing his best friend wasn't exactly something he should be doing.

Brittany was patting his sweater clad shoulder and looking at him speculatively, head pillowed on Sam's chest. "Can I carry you around like a baby koala? I bet I could."

"I'm not a baby koala."

"C'mon, Brittany!" Sugar called from the door, impatient as always.

Disentangling herself, Brittany grabbed her backpack and said a quick goodbye before darting off after the other girl.

Shaking his head and shouldering his own bag, Blaine said, "Some days, I wish I could see what goes on inside her head."

Sam grinned. "Unicorns, rainbows, cupcakes and Santana."

That sounded about right. As they walked out the Blaine's car, he said, "You know, you have to be the least homophobic straight 18-year-old athlete ever. I'm pretty sure most high school guys would get at least a little twitchy over Brittany's comments about you and Puck."

With a shrug, Sam said, "Why get upset? I mean, sure, not my thing, but if she likes to think it, she's not hurting anyone."

"True," Blaine agreed as they hopped into the car. "She does seem to view the world a bit differently than most. Pretty sure gender and sexuality don't really register as overly important to her."

"It's the person," Sam said thoughtfully. "I do think she should be a little pickier though, that's why I suggested she leave the freshmen and sophomores alone."

"Probably wise," Blaine said. "But I think she's pretty entrenched in her pansexuality. She's Captain Jack in a cheerleader skirt."

Sam let out a bark of laughter. "Well, there's a mental image!"

Grinning, Blaine teased, "Well, the man does have nice legs."

With another snort, Sam reached out and twirled the radio dial until he had a country station. It was an ongoing war between them, country versus pop…though both could recognize the merits of the others preferred genre.

Arguing was just fun.

As Lady Antebellum was one of those bands that straddled the pop/country divide, Blaine didn't comment and they drove, drumming hands and humming along.

Out of the blue, Sam commented, "I've kissed a guy."

Startled, Blaine almost jerked the wheel. "What?"

"When Brittany talked about wanting to see me kiss Puck, I couldn't be all out of sorts, cuz I kiss the man before and I'm not a…hippo…someone who says one thing and does another. Word, please?"

"Hypocrite," Blaine supplied, then couldn't refrain from asking, "Who? When?"

Sam shrugged a little. "Last year when I was in Kentucky. One of the other dancers had a party, lots of booze and I had a couple of beers and I was talking with this guy and he kissed me. It felt good, so I kissed him back. He got a little handsy, commented about my mouth - everyone does - and then his phone rang. It was his wife so I got the hell out of there."

"Huh," Blaine said, then forced his hands to relax their white knuckle grip on the wheel. "Did you…were you okay about it?"

"Yeah, it was nice," Sam replied, fidgeting. "Other than the fact that he was married."

"Understandable," Blaine murmured. "So…am I the first person you told?"

Sam shook his head. "My parents don't know all the details, but I told him that I like guys too."

Telling the parents was a big step. "How did they take it?"

"They hugged me and told me as long as I was happy then they were happy. Love is love. Then mom asked me if I had lube and condoms and I tried not to hear anything else."

That made Blaine laugh a little. "Your parents sound awesome. Mine…try to ignore them gay. I mean, they tolerated, but they don't like it. Still, it could be worse."

The car was silent for a moment before Sam opined, "You do know Brittany's not going to give up. Once she traps Joe, you'll be the only guy in senior or junior year or the two classes that graduated ahead of us that she hasn't kissed. The girl is determined to make a clean sweep of it."

Blaine snorted. "She has to be exaggerating. Kurt and Brittany…I don't think so."

"Oh," Sam grinned. "Apparently he had a little straight freak out in his sophomore year that included flannel, Mellencamp and making out with Brittany. She has pictures."

That was an idea Blaine could barely wrap his brain around. "Well, maybe I should kiss her then," he mused. "Wouldn't want to ruin her record…and it's not like I find girls gross. I'm just not attracted to them."

"I get it, dude," Sam replied. "Just because I like both guys and girls doesn't mean I like all guys and girls. I mean, from a purely physical point of view, I should find Kitty hot, but oh God no. I think if I tried to go there, my junk would retract back into my body like a turtle."

Snickering, Blaine said, "You have a way with words, Sam."

"What? You can't tell me you don't smelled crazy on her."

"Oh, totally bag o' cats."

"Thank you, Dr. Banner," Sam chuckled. "Hey, want to watch the Avengers?"

Blaine grinned and turned into his driveway. "You read my mind."


End file.
